It's really not a secret that I kinda love instagram...and really just pictures in general, but instagram is this ongoing life collage that I continue to create day by day and month by month. Scrolling through my photos will make me smile, giggle, make my heart drop, bring back a memory in a second or bring me joy. It's an authentic look at me and my life.
Recently I scrolled through and I noticed something. That woman who started the instagram feed over a year ago......she is gone. I look at photos of her and I can see her silent struggles, her heartache and discontentment hidden behind a smile that fooled most everyone including herself most days. I can see it clear as day in her eyes. If you're unclear, I'm talking about myself.
The plate of this woman had been full, primarily with crap sandwiches. (these crap sandwiches I speak of are a figurative language play) In the beginning, and for the longest time she told herself that those crap sandwiches served up on that plate were ok. She'd dash some pepper on them, and eat them with the best smile she could find and so she grew to genuinely think crap sandwiches weren't all that crappy at all.
But this diet of crap sandwiches she predominantly lived on was silently doing something to her. It was removing the glow from her eyes, it was stripping the brightness from her face and it was delivering a drip by drip death to her heart...dulling her down in every way, shape and form.
Well, the seasons of her life changed and so therefore her plate did as well. In the beginning of this new season she continued to be served these same sandwiches, but this was ok now.. for the time being. Each sandwich she was brought, she would eat..she ate it because with each bite she was walking closer and closer to the door of that restaurant, knowing that soon, she'd walk out the door for good. She'd be free of a diet based on such junk. She would be free of ever having to taste such yucky things again. She was now her own chef and was free to dine in places that would never dream of cooking up such sandwiches as the type once ate.
Once she was out of that restaurant, something started to happen bit by bit....the glow to her eyes started to flicker back on. The blush in her cheeks returned, she found her smile, her true smile, she found her giggle, she found her voice, and she found her peace.
she is now new...she is now better.
