{Sighhhhh}
I do that a lot lately. As I said in my last post, I still don't quite know where to begin...what to say.
My life is in an absolute rebuilding phase right now.
I mean that in every sense of the word rebuilding.
The only thing I have that I had a few short months ago are my underwear and my heart.
I try to make light of this, but honestly it's C--R--Azzzzyyyy!
I feel like before I can move forward in my writing I need to download with you all where I'm at.
It doesn't feel right for me to by-pass this time and wait until everything is rosy before I share here again.
The truth is that last week SUCKED, like a lot.
After coming home from vacation it was immediately time to move on from the guest house that Jay and I had been staying in.
let me just say that:
where we moved from>where me moved to
It was three days of moving....
and it was a solo mission, I did it all myself.
The tough chick in me kicked in and thought "oh, no problem!"
Soon after I started I felt so alone.
Why am I moving my things A-GAIN!!!!????
All my heart wants is to be settled. To have a home, and to put down roots.
I was sad, I was alone, but I couldn't stop...there was a job that needed to be done.
As I took each load out to the truck I thought,
"God, I hope you're looking at me and are proud. I hope that as I walk each of these steps that they are pleasing to you."
I carried each box out to my truck with a meager faith that somehow He's going to get me through this.
Somehow He's going to work ALL of my situations out.
But peace, I did not have. I was a stress ball!
What do you do when you need the blessing bucket to absolutely dump on you, and you feel as if what you've received has been little more than a drop?
I'm wrestling with that question at this moment....like big time.
Deep in my heart I know that this is just a short chapter of what's yet to come in my life, but that truth is hiding deep right now in what is my reality.
I feel trapped in so many senses of the word.
I'm holding on to the fact that God is crazy big,
and I am a tough chick that when it comes down to it can make some ishhh happen.
I think God and me make a pretty legit team.
Sometimes I'm strong in this and sometimes it means nothing....
I have to be real here friends, I'm having a hard time.
Thankfully I have the sweetest boy in the world by my side each day. It's crazy that he is only eight, but he is the best team mate I have ever had. Jayden is understanding, loving, funny and plain amazing.
He is the one I can get lost in. I can watch him do something as simple as ride his bike and feel as if my life is complete, and richly blessed. Watching him do the simplest things brings me absolute joy. I feel richly blessed watching him do life.