Hey friends!
Welp it's been just a bit of time since I've last shared here. I debated for a minute if I should talk about that bit of quiet time or just jump back in and maybe just click publish on a post I've had sitting in my drafts for a while...but something about that doesn't sit quite right with me. Doing that feels as if we've left a gap of life just unspoken about. That's not the way I like to do things. If I sit down with a friend who I haven't seen in any bit of time...what's the first thing to do? Catch up, share the what's and the why's of what's been happening since the last time we've chatted. Well, it remains the same way with you all and this blog.
I guess I want to start with this....I'm joyful and that is the biggest thing ever. Living a life built on joy vs. happiness changes everything. Joy has proven to be a constant, where happiness is an emotion that can either be there or not. Joy keeps me streamlined. My times of happiness are enhanced because they are mixing with the joyful peace that I already carry. Times of sadness, loss or negatives aren't able to pull me down as far as I think they would without joy, and I think joy has the capability to pick me up from those times quicker than if I was without it.
That being said, I seem to be in a lull....while I have joy in my heart my overall feeling is very much "ehhh" If you follow me on instagram you might have caught the continual "ehh" face in a few of my photos recently. I'm just not fully on point right now {yeah, I just said that out loud for the whole world to see...yah, that was hard, no I will not erase it} Part of this feeling has to do with the feelings I've been having in regard to my divorce {which we'll chat about on Wednesday} other things causing this lull have to do with the overall season of life I've been in for the last few months. It's taxed me and taken a toll. My heart, and mind are bored. I'm craving activity, community, adventure. I'm desiring change, something new.....a new season to enter. Thankfully by the end of April I will finally be ushering this new season in.
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| { I still remain blessed that many of my nights get to look like this. #hehelpsmakelifeawesome } I continue to have 12 questions to one hazy answer in many of the key areas of my life. My brain feels busy trying to unscramble, make sense and piece things together. While the last few months have been "quiet" they've been blurred and not allowed my heart to rest, or grow much. Communicating with God when you have no idea how you truly feel, want to say or ask has honestly felt draining and unsuccessful and therefor has not been happening much lately. As I said before, thank God for joy or I don't know where I'd be in the current sea of emotions and lack of clarity this season currently has had me in. As I see the light coming at the end of the tunnel my heart is ready, it's anticipating...it's eager to start new once again. |